This last month has been a little crazy. Balancing returning back to school, getting in to school mode, working on new projects at work, reorienting myself back into spiritual family, and letting creative juices flow for PCC.
I found myself going totally crazy—spiraling into the rabbit hole of questions and lies. It wasn’t a happy place to be. But I think something that Jesus has been talking to me about lately is to chill—He’s got this.
I feel like my time isn’t necessarily short here in San Diego, but it is definitely limited within this context. I am nervous, excited, and losing control at the same time. This process is so good—it is so God… the future is bright and hope exists. Love=Trust and they are a person and that person is Jesus.
These next 6 months will hold adventures. I feel like I’m heading into the unknown. But I will not fear—for He has gone before me. His love never fails just as the sun sets on the west and rises in the East. His love never fails, for it is unfathomable as the depths of the Ocean. Adventures are good—because I am not alone.
As the last day of 2012 dwindles down, I thought a reflective post would be appropriate :) I just wanted to list a few things that have happened this year to remember and to look ahead.
In 2012 I will remember it as;
The year I turned 21, learning to have fun without pushing my limits. That I don’t need to get wasted to prove myself. And that stouts are my favorite drink. So far, I enjoy dark chocolate stouts and some pale ales. This is the year I went to a few breweries and learned so much about beer!
This is the year I learned to use my voice in class, feeling more confident to share my thoughts an opinions. In addition, to taking classes I actually want to take and write about things I want to write. Memorable papers this year are on the original hipsters (zoom suits) and on Justin Bieber haha.
This is the year I told people how I felt in an honest and vulnerable way. From telling a boy that I like him to his face or telling someone how they made me feel. This is something I’m coming to come to terms with. Learning to be vulnerable all the time—instead of hiding feelings in order for them to blow up in my face.
This is the year that I tried out college dating. A experience that has only made me stronger and look at dating in a whole new way. I refuse to be a part of a hook-up culture. I know that I am worth being treated to a first date. And I choose to believe that chivalry is not dead. I am worth respect and I am not my body.
This is the year I went on many adventures. Going to Africa! Kenya was amazing, unforgettable and my prayers are with the girls at Bella House! I want to see the eradication of exploitation of women ended in my life time. And my prayers go out to my kids in the nairobi slum. I also rode a camel, went to the Indian ocean while in Kenya! I saw the world’s tallest building in Dubai! I spent a semester in our nation’s Capitol—surrounded by a political atmosphere, where I know I am called to change. I am blessed to have been softly launched into my future.
2012 was the year of many firsts, many ups and many downs. But I am so grateful because Jesus has given me favor that I will not apologize for. I know that He is good all the time, He is kind, and He is faithful. And my relationship with Him only goes from glory to glory.
With that said, I prophecy and declare that 2013 will be:
The year I graduate undergrad and have a sense of where to go afterwards.
The year I get a big girl job, earning a real pay check.
The year I travel to a new place embarking on a new journey.
The year I started to take my health seriously!
The year I watch one of my best friends walk down the aisle to marry the man she loves—being her maid of honor!
The year I let go of people—that need to be let go of course.
The year I trust in my decisions, knowing that I am capable of making them—-right or wrong it doesn’t matter. Making affirmative choices.
This will be a year that I will learn more about myself and let God love on me—I will learn to trust on a deeper level and love in new ways. I choose to trust rather than control and I choose love every time. I choose to always be anchored in hope and rooted in love— and I choose that 2013 is the year I never gave up. :D
Happy New Year readers ;)!
I am back in the land of Cali-for-ni-a. :) It’s really good to be back, but it’s a little weird at the same time.
The last few days in DC I spent with my Abby and amazing co-intern. She housed me for a few days and even drove me to Dulles Airport in the wee hours in the morning Wednesday! I miss her dearly!
While staying at Abby’s I was able to rest and watch tv/movies. We even went the the Smithsonian Zoo’s ZooLights, where there are a whole bunch of lights strung through out the zoo! I loved it. :)
It was definitely nice to relax. I spent my last day listening to a hearing on the Hill (Capitol Hill that is!). I truly want to be called up to the Hill to talk to staffers about the importance of certain/said subject field. Seriously! :) My supervisor totally rocked it! Then we had our intern-goodbye happy hour! It was so much fun being able to schmooze with my supervisors and chat about life!
My overall DC experience was and is completely unforgettable and amazing. I have definitely built a home there and would not mind going back after I graduate. But, only God knows. Now, I get to go on a nice little break before I finish the last 6 months of my undergraduate career! Whoa times flies.
I know that I’ll probably continue this blog, I mean adventures don’t stop! I also changed the title to myhabitus (which was the name of an old tumblr). I see it more fitting for here anyway. As I want to continue to post interesting reads, articles, and thoughts here. I think one of the things I definitely don’t want to lose (that I’ve learned from DC) is how politically aware I’ve been. I would read articles and news everyday and I definitely want to keep that going. So, I’ll purge some of those things here. Hope you don’t mind.
I really want to explain this habitus. You can totally wiki it, but this is one of the theories I really thought about while I was in SOCI 1 (haha like 3 years ago!). It’s a theory expanded by Frenchman Pierre Bourdieu. About the way people think about power, lifestyle, and values. And how we acquire them, how we’re influenced by our surroundings. Like how life chances are affected by our social and human capital.
Bourdieu sees power as culturally and symbolically created, and constantly re-legitimised through an interplay of agency and structure. The main way this happens is through what he calls ‘habitus’ or socialised norms or tendencies that guide behaviour and thinking. Habitus is ‘the way society becomes deposited in persons in the form of lasting dispositions, or trained capacities and structured propensities to think, feel and act in determinant ways, which then guide them’ (Wacquant 2005: 316, cited in Navarro 2006: 16).
Pretty interesting huh? I’m no Bourdieu expert but I think I should definitely read up on him. Anyways, I just want to blog about habitus, mine in particular.
So fear not fellow readers, I shall continue my adventures. :)
I have exactly one week left in this beautiful city I call a home. (Even though it’s been 4 months, I’ve made a little home here.) Next week this time actually I’ll be home in Sacramento! So weird.
I don’t really know what to say actually. It’s such a bittersweet feeling…I made a lot of good friends here, good memories, and some interesting ones. But in all, I think I’ve grown up a lot. I know I’m different, I can’t exactly tell you what—but being away makes you grow in a good way. This stretching and pressure makes me the lovely pearl I am.
Today was my last full day at work, tomorrow I’m going only for a half day. Then…that’ll be it. (Except the farewell happy hour next tuesday! At our good ol’ Hotel Rogue!) But, I think I learned so much during my internship! :) Seriously, amazing.
But, I think I’ll write something that I do every day. (Thanks for the inspiration Pauline). I think I write a lot about major events or little revelations, but I will probably forget my day to day routines—and I don’t want to forget.
Monday-Thursday, I go to work. I usually wake up at 8:30a or earlier or later….because I work 10a-6p. 8 hrs at a computer. My projects vary daily but I mostly do a lot of development, communication, and research.
But mornings usually consist of music and making breakfast. I usually make one egg and a piece of buttered toast for breakfast. I do my make-up, get dressed, and walk out the door by 9:50 or 9:55a. Haha. I work just down the street about 4 mins away!
I walk out the center, across to Daniel Webster Statue, cross over and go up 16th, right pass the Australian Embassy. On my way to work I always pass by a small church, one time I gave a homeless man some of my bagel there. Then right before my building is this small street that connects to 17th. Though it’s quaint it’s really pretty to look down especially when the leaves were changing colors! :) Then I’m at my building, where I take the elevator to the 3rd floor and turn right, go to my office and sit at my cubicle! Haha.
Pretty uneventful—but its the little things that we sometimes forget. I don’t want to forget them. Like—swiping my pass on the metro, going different directions on the red and orange/blue line. Taking the bus to target—always getting off at Irving. Walking to the White House. Looking out the window to see what “people” are wearing in order to judge the weather…haha. Walking out in the brisk morning to go to work. Seeing leaves fall and change colors. I don’t want to forget any of it.
I’m surely going to miss this place so much. I feel like I’ve found a little niche here, I don’t even feel like I’m supposed to leave…
*I’m sure I should keep writing here about my adventures. I feel like it doesn’t just stop here—does it? (NO WAY!). I still got 6 months of my undergrad to document. ;)
I spent the Thanksgiving holiday visiting my family (Butay side!) in Massachusetts. In 5 days, I went to 4 states! I forget that the East Coast is built of a lot of small states as compared to the west/midwest! You could travel to a few states because they’re in an hour or two radius away from each other.
Day 1: Marlborough, MA. I flew into Logan International in the morning and when my Uncle picked me up we went straight to their house located in the suburb about 40 mins away from the city of Boston. I’m pretty proud of myself because during the short plane ride from DC (a little over 1 hr), I downed a ginger ale and refrained from peeing until we got the the house! We had lunch (finally filipino food after 3 months!) and I knocked out for 3 hours. I woke up to an empty house, my Uncle had gone to the store, my cousin would be arriving from school later, and my aunt wouldn’t be home till after work. I was excited to see my cousin—who is in her first semester in college—and catch up with her.
Day 2: Boston, MA. My cousin, Trisha, Franz and Franz’s gf and took a Duck Tour around the city. There’s so much history in Boston and I got to go on the Charles River. Had my first Dunkin’ Donuts (Dunkies) in the East, it’s pretty good actually.
Day 3: Framingham, MA. Turkey day, eat, eat, eat. This is typical Filipino-American turkey day with one turkey and another main dish (this time Kare-Kare). I was stuffed and at this point I’m totally over eating. I also witnessed a 4 year old dance to Gangam Style…which, I was pretty impressed. However, on the other hand, I’m sick of that song now.
Day 4: Newport, RI. My Uncle and Aunt took me to Rhode Island! Which, I love! Especially this part because it was a little wharf town with cute boutiques and restaurants. First we went to the Newport Mansions which houses some of the Vanderbilt summer estates. Got to touch the Atlantic Ocean and breathe some of the in! It’s absolutely beautiful. We went into a few boutiques and my Aunt decided to buy some charms for her bracelet. One of the sales associates was really cute and he started talking to me; however, it was quite awkward because my Aunt was there haha! But nonetheless, I would recommend going to Rhode Island!
Night 4: Waltham/Somerville/Cambridge, MA. That same night my Manong Franz took me out with his friends to an Irish Pub with a live reggae band (weird I know). We got to have some “adult” fun while drinking beverages (Harpoon’s Chocolate Stout, Brooklyn Lager, Allagash White—just for my drinking notes). His friends were fun. The East Coast has a completely different culture than the west—not sure how I feel about it yet. I had to pop a squat later on the ride home in some random business area/field. Also, we drove by Harvard wasn’t too impressed, but it was probably because it was night time.
Day 5: Kittery/Ogunquit, Maine. Trees, trees, trees, and more friggen trees. Needless to say, I am over trees, nature and greenery. Don’t get me wrong, I can be your average nature-loving and tree-hugging gal—but I was fed up with seeing tree, after, tree, after tree. I definitely don’t have the same affinity for woodsy areas like I do for the ocean. But we did eat some amazing seafood and I got to see the Atlantic Ocean again!
Now, I am back at my political hub and sphere of influence. I love DC. I think it’s because I love the city. The hustle, bustle, and buildings. But I think it’s due to the ”life-stage” I’m at right now (Sociology talk). I think I’ve built up the romanticized idea of living in a city—with new prospects, dreams, and aspirations. I mean isn’t that what cities embody? I mean just look at it historically, without the Industrial Revolution where would we be. And this major shift lead to the moving and displacing of people. Transitioning from feudal to more centralized. Farming to factoring. You know what I mean?
I also know that I do not want to go to grad school in Massachusetts (Boston was totally on my list). I wouldn’t mind Rhode Island though. New York is still up there! However now that I’m done with Holiday eating I must get back to the work grind and crank out that 15pg research paper that will be the culmination of my time in DC. Seriously, this paper is the only academic thing I have and I’ve procrastinated enough. It’s due this friday and as much I love my professor, she scares me because of her amazing writing and proof-reading skills. (blah, blah, fear of failure…). I can only do my best! (Think positive now!). But next weekend I’ll be travelling to Philadelphia! (Liberty Bell here I come!) And hopefully I’ll make a day trip to NYC before I jet off from the East on Dec. 12.
I only have 2 weeks left here, it hasn’t settled in. But I’ll be honest, I am ready to go home.
No sir(s). Stop that.
I did not dress up in my business casual for you to check me out, yell “hey beautiful, how you doin’?”, or to look at me with ill-intentions.
It’s not ok and it does not make me feel good about myself. It makes me feel like I can’t wait stockings and a skirt to work.
But thankfully, I know who I am and that this of course won’t stop me from dressing the way I want…but still.